RIGHT OKAY SO I WAS TALKING TO MY 5 YEAR OLD COUSIN ON SKYPE ABOUT HALF AN HOUR AGO AND SHE LEFT FOR A LITTLE WHILE TO GO DO SOMETHING AND DIDN’T WANT ME TO BE LONELY, SO SHE LEFT HER PET FURBY (SHE CALLS IT “LULU”) ON A CHAIR TO “TALK” TO ME FOR A WHILE
SO I ROLL WITH IT AND JUST KIND OF BUM AROUND FOR A MINUTE WAITING FOR HER TO GET BACK WHEN SUDDENLY A NOISE THAT SOUNDS LIKE SATAN’S ASSHOLE FARTING OUT A METALLICA SOLO COMES OUT OF THE SPEAKERS, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME LULU DECIDES TO START LAUGHING FOR A GOOD 20 SECONDS NON-STOP IN A HIGH PITCHED SCREECH
AND THEN MY COUSIN WALKED BACK IN AND EVERYTHING JUST IMMEDIATELY HALTED
NOT SURE IF I SHOULD INFORM SOMEONE THAT SHE’S PROBABLY LIVING WITH A HELL DEMON DISGUISED IN A PLUSHY PINK PACKAGE JUST WAITING TO DEVOUR THE SOULS OF THE LIVING
It’s 2014. Anyone who buys their child a furby knows exactly what sort of unholy pact they are making, trust me.
"To my buddy who said I’d never host the Tonight Show. You owe me $100."
Jimmy collects on his $100 bet with friends like Robert De Niro, Lady Gaga, Tina Fey, Tracy Morgan, Mike Tyson, and more.
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